I’m glad I took that cab ride… I returned home last night after the Chicago stop of Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo of Truth” tour just as there was a storm going on outside. But no matter the weather in Chicago, it could be worse. I could have been in Detroit. And that would be way worse according to Charlie Sheen. Duh.
On a warm Sunday night, 3,500 people settled into the Chicago Theatre to witness this human train wreck live and in person. Yeah. We heard about the bad reviews from the night before in Detroit, but that’s what we paid to see, a s**t fest. More boos the better… And there were plenty during the course of two hours as Sheen and his partner rambled on like a teacher without a lesson plan, continually grasping at straws, telling stories to waste time, and finding any excuse to banter with a crowd member.
For the second show on the Torpedo of Truth Tour, Charlie Sheen adopted the live interview format, ditching everything that went horribly wrong the night before in The Motor City, leading to Charlie exiting the stage to a loud chorus of boos. It proved to be good decision except for one thing, the person interviewing Charlie Sheen was inept, unprepared, and ultimately, terrible. He asked way too many questions in a row, and way too many about the early 90’s film “Major League”, blatantly ignoring the fact that many were there to hear about the freak out that took place a month ago, not a sports-comedy about the down and out Cleveland Indians. Put in there to help things move along, Sheen’s interviewer did more to get in the way of Sheen’s madness than to curate it. Not that Sheen needs any help in being crazy, he can do that all by himself.
Wearing sweatpants, and t-shirt, which he later would trade for a polo from an overweight and very hairy audience member, Sheen was at his best when he strayed from questions, called out audience members, and read a delusional final statement in which he proposed that he rose from the ashes of Ground Zero to “battle corporate America.” It was a theme he repeated often, that of the victim, the shill, the taken advantage and used actor paid 2 million dollars/episode. He played this underdog while praising Chicago police (“I love your emblem it looks like you’re just out there whaling on bad guys.”) , retelling the story of refusing the role of “The Karate Kid”, giving plenty of women advice (2 is the number, 3 is when your s**t goes missing), and handing out backstage passes to girls thirsty to join his (un)stable of goddesses. But for all the anti-establishment rhetoric, for all the “sheep labeling”, Sheen revealed his true colors and true motivation all in one sentence. “If they say ‘here’s your job back, I’ll go back to work.” And that is the most sane thing he’s said in months.
For all the Tiger Blood and the large amounts of “winning” that he’s doing, all the complaining and bitching that “2 and a Half Men” was exploiting him, he’s really just another actor in need of a gig. He’ll go back if they’ll take him, yet peddle his revolution to the tune of big money in the meantime. Sure, sell a t-shirt proclaiming your undying independence, until CBS extends a new contract then cash the latest paycheck. #winning… Duh…
I didn’t expect this show to be that good. It was boring, and a lot of the entertainment was provided by audience members, some drunk, some angry, some both. My brother described it to his wife as “shitty, but in the way we expected it to be shitty.” And that’s a perfect summation. It’s the same empty two hours as a “Real World” or “Jersey Shore” marathon. The show has no nutritional value, but it will fill you up. And that seems to be fine w/Sheen. He’s just waiting on “Major League 3”, which according to him, will be made real soon… Hate to break it to you Charlie, but that came out more than ten years ago, it was called “Back to The Minors.” And this Torpedo of Truth Tour is definitely bush league.