Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons in Whiplash

Geoff's Top 10 Trailers of 2014

Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons in Whiplash

2014 was one of my favorite years of moviegoing, played in no small part by attending my first Sundance. While I watched less films this year overall than I have in my four years of officially being part of the film community, I still watched more than my fair share of trailers. I know people that live for trailers; I also know people who refuse to watch them. Both groups have very valid reasons, with the former embracing the snippets of story and style to help determine their film choices amidst the world of ever-increasing ticket prices, and the latter wanting to enter the film experience full of surprise and intrigue. Listed over the next few pages are some of my personal favorite trailers of 2014. I hope you enjoy watching them as much as I did.


The Uncanceled Interview: Obama Weighs In, Sony Backtracks, and Everything Gets Even Weirder

What a difference a few days make.

On December 17th, Sony canceled the Christmas release of The Interview, fearing further damage and information leaks from hackers. At that time, Sony implied that they had no plans to release the film at all, including on DVD, Blu-ray, or VOD. Even symbolic screenings of Team America: World Police were canceled by Paramount out of fear of retaliation by hackers.

Numerous commentators weighed in about Sony's decision, suggesting cowardice was the reason that they bowed to the demands of the hackers reportedly linked to North Korea. The hackers made an additional request that Sony erase all traces of The Interview's existence, which includes the official website, all online videos, and preventing the leak of pirated copies online.

President Obama weighed in on the matter during a year-end press conference on December 19th, saying he felt that Sony had made a mistake in canceling The Interview's release. "We cannot have a society in which some dictator some place can start imposing censorship here in the United States," Obama said. "Because if someone is able to intimidate folks out of releasing a satirical movie, imagine what they start doing when they see a documentary they don't like, or news reports don't like. Or even worse, imagine if producers and distributors and others start engaging in self-censorship because they don't want to offend the sensibilities of somebody whose sensibilities probably need to be offended."

And then, after some waffling and dithering, Sony decided to uncancel The Interview, releasing it in select theaters as well as various online platforms.

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The Interview played on just 331 screens across the United States. Two other high-profile Christmas new releases, Into the Woods and Unbroken, played on 2,440 and 3,131 screens, respectively; the critically acclaimed Selma opened on just 19 select screens. According to Box Office Mojo, The Interview made $2.8 million in theaters during the long weekend.

The Interview fared much better online. Deadline reported that The Interview made $15 million through online rentals and sales. Sony estimated that there were 2 million rentals or purchases made through YouTube, Google Play, Xbox Live, and the website SeeTheInterview.com. Of course, The Interview was also illegally downloaded 750,000 times on Christmas Day alone. One assumes the number of legal and illegal watches online have to be about the same by now.

While reviews of the film continue to be mixed—the symbolic 10/10 user rating on IMDB just a week and a half ago has since dipped down to 7.7/10 following the film's release—the impact of this cultural moment is still so strangely resonant. There was no 9/11-style violence in any of the 331 theaters that screened the film, unless singing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be an American" is considered an act of terrorism. And while the money made so far doesn't cover half of the film's budget, there is a potential for further day-and-date digital releases of certain films in the future. Maybe those films can get some free publicity from North Korea.

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While the North Korean government still denies involvement with the Sony hack, they are extremely upset with the film's release. (Earlier in the year, they declared The Interview an act of terrorism and and act of war, after all.) There have recently been country-wide internet outages, which North Korea blames on the United States, and they may not be wrong since Obama suggested there'd be some form of measured response to the hacking. On December 27th, North Korea's National Defense Commission issued a statement calling President Obama "the chief culprit" behind the The Interview's eventual release. The statement continued with the following not-so-veiled racist remark: "Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest."

In an odd example of the Streisand effect in full effect, however, the North Korean government's months of outrage over The Interview has made its own oppressed citizens hungry for the film. Screen Rant ran a piece stating that North Koreans are currently paying as much as $50 on the DVD black market for pirated copies of The Interview. For perspective, most pirated DVDs in North Korea run about 50 cents. Foreign media has increasingly become problematic for the North Korean regime, as films and television shows from abroad are showing its citizens greater prosperity and different ways to live (i.e., not abject poverty in a totalitarian dictatorship).

But maybe the most fascinating part of this post-release phase of The Interview are the doubts about the official story of the Sony hack. Whether these suspicions are warranted or a kind of foil-hat-trutherism, a number of internet security experts feel that North Korea might not have been responsible for the hack. Even before The Interview was canceled, I recall seeing a security expert on the news suggest that an angry Sony employee was the more likely culprit. A long-term inside job makes sense simply given the amount of information released and the nature of the hack. Much of the focus from those who doubt the FBI's story is now on someone identified as "Lena," who worked for Sony in Los Angeles for 10 years and is associated with the Guardians of Peace.

Everything continues to become curioser, and all because of a dick-joke movie. Again, the real-world happenings around The Interview prove to be far more fascinating than the events depicted in The Interview. I can't wait for the documentary.


Silicon Valley

Silicon Valley: Best Show on TV?

Silicon Valley was easily the best show of 2014. While I’m a little biased when it comes to HBO (I think I’m the only person who doesn’t care for Game of Thrones), the show has regained my faith in premium television since the end of Eastbound & Down.

Silicon Valley follows a small group of coding nerds who live in Silicon Valley, California. Living in a technological world, most people don’t see the faces behind the screen. Lo and behold, they are just as nerdy as you could’ve imagined them to be; and cynical to boot. The main character, Richard, bands his friends together to start Pied Piper; an internet startup of many different functions. In the beginning, the app is used for one thing that leads to another idea to a different use and so on and so forth. Along the way to finding success he loses money, networking opportunities, friends, lawsuits, and at times, his sanity. Behind Pied Piper stands two of Richard’s favorite tech companies who fight the whole season over who will lay claim to Pied Piper’s upcoming fame.

Encompassing the real life struggles of many HTMLers, Java Script geniuses, CSS freaks, and C++ dorks, the show is comically flawless. Finding any lull in dry wit will prove to be impossible as the show’s creator Mike Judge is a master of comedy. With years of Beavis and Butt-head under his belt as well as King of the Hill, Judge proves taking a different route pays off tenfold. Judge takes backburner comics like T.J. Miller, Kumail Nanjiani, and Martin Starr to the center stage (where they so rightfully belong) to whip the audience with their quick wit and well-seasoned stand-up worthy material. While still using the grab bag of lowbrow comedy (e.g. drug use, dick jokes, little kids cursing), Judge ties the show together by following the dynamic relationships of the group. Like everything else good on television, this show is definitely underrated for what it puts out. Also, the second coming of Martin Starr (Bill Haverchuck from Freaks and Geeks) is a prime example of why this show rules. Check out a trailer from the first season below.

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Take that, Big Bang Theory.


Every Time I Die

Bridjet's Top 10 Albums of 2014

As 2014 comes to a close, I reminisce on all of the albums I've had the pleasure of almost blowing my speakers out to. These are my absolute favorite records of the year and a little memo of why they rule so god damn hard. Like a little league coach to his players, I wish they could all be #1.

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10. Grey Gordon - Forget I Brought It Up

I’ve had the extreme pleasure of seeing Grey perform in my friend’s living room multiple times and I’m glad I heard him when I did. Fusing together the deep rawness of his lyrics with the upbeat, yet soulful guitar, this record is nothing short of amazing.

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9. Mastodon - Once More ‘Round The Sun

Mastodon killed it when I saw them perform Once More ‘Round The Sun at Bonnaroo this year. I honestly felt my face being melted off by the world’s tastiest riffs. When I got home, I was so excited to get the album. I’ve been listening to it ever since.

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8. Against Me! - Gender Dysphoria Blues

When lead singer Tom became Laura Jane Grace in 2012, the scene exploded with praise and understanding, which was amazing to see. What’s even more amazing is this album packed full of heartfelt lyrics and that beautiful folk-punk guitar you can’t help but turn up to. 

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7. Interpol - El Pintor

I’ve been an Interpol fan for years, but they haven’t had anything that has caught my attention in a while. When I saw them play El Pintor at Lollapalooza this summer, I felt like I shot myself in the foot for not giving the upcoming album a notion earlier. It’s crisp, clean and nostalgic of Antics. 

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6. New Found Glory -  Resurrection

Back with a vengeance, NFG released a banger this year after their bassist “left” the band in 2013. Energetic as well as revengeful at times, this album shows that the kings of pop-punk are more than ready to be back on top.

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5. Modern Baseball - You’re Gonna Miss It All

Holy cow, this album is the ultimate pop-punk fairytale of how every 20-something feels 99% of the time, but doesn’t want anyone to know unless they’re on Tumblr. Loaded with goofy and cheesy lyrics, YGMIA is something I’ve played at least once a day since its release.

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4. Angel Du$t - A.D.

Angel Du$t’s first album is 15 minutes of pure, thrashy punk rock at it’s finest. A definite scene favorite, A.D. doesn’t disappoint with this record.

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3. Candy Hearts - All The Ways You Let Me Down

I’m a sucker for cutesy, pop-punk; especially if there’s a female vocalist. Girl power.

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2. Katy Perry - Prism

If you know me at all, you know I’m a huge Katy Perry nerd. I was front row for her show on my birthday and it was the best day of my life. This album has a very 80’s pop feel to it as well as some uplifting tunes. In short, this album makes me feel like I’m Katy; fabulous and sassy.

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1. Every Time I Die - From Parts Unknown

The party kings of southern metal have graced the world with flawlessness that even Beyonce is jealous of. That, my friends, is the perfection From Parts Unknown holds. If you want to gain the wisdom of 100 wizards, go listen to this album.


The Canceled Interview: Sony Bows to Hackers, North Korea Wins, and No One is Laughing

In an alternate universe, The Interview was released on Christmas to so-so reviews and modest business; it was beaten on opening weekend by Into the Woods. After four days of post-release thinkpieces and three weeks of diminishing box office returns, The Interview was forgotten.

But we live in a strange world and interesting times.

The Interview was a disposable dude-bro movie that would have had as much cultural impact as a fart in an empty elevator. But because of the hacks linked to North Korea and threats of 9/11-style violence against movie theaters, Sony canceled the movie's release, which includes DVD/Blu-ray and VOD. The Interview is now much more. It's an emblem of Kim Jong-Un's bizarre victory, and a freak American symbol for freedom of expression and corporate cowardice. But more than that, The Interview has also offered us a frightening glimpse into the potential power of cyberterrorism.

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Movies have lampooned actual and fictional world leaders before, like Kim Jong-Il in Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Team America: World Police, Charlie Chaplin's obvious Hitler analog in The Great Dictator, and the Gaddafi-like tyrant played by Sacha Baron Cohen in The Dictator. The Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker comedy team opened The Naked Gun with Frank Drebin beating up Idi Amin and Ayatollah Khomeini, among others; Abrahams would go on to target Saddam Hussein in the two Hot Shots! films—say what you will about Hot Shots! Part Deux, but Saddam is the highlight of that movie.

People have also attempted to use their power to block the release of movies. Most notably, William Randolph Hearst tried to bury Citizen Kane when he learned that he was a primary influence for the character Charles Foster Kane. Hearst refused to run ads for the film in his newspapers, used his publications to question Welles' patriotism, and exploited connections in Hollywood to block theaters from showing Citizen Kane. Studio execs sympathetic to Hearst and led by MGM's Louis B. Mayer even offered to buy all prints and negatives of Citizen Kane in order to burn them.

Which is what makes this situation more absurd. The Interview—a movie that is likely mediocre-at-best if these reviews compiled at Criticwire are any indication—is now a symbol, and it's been elevated (for now) to share an odd cultural conversation space alongside Citizen Kane and The Great Dictator. There are thinkpieces all over the internet (like this one) about the movie as a moment signifying something important rather than a mere vehicle for Seth Rogen and James Franco to make dick jokes. On IMDB, The Interview has a 9.9/10 as a purely symbolic gesture, one that makes it a better-rated movie than Citizen Kane and The Great Dictator. As Alec Kubas-Meyer joked over at Flixist, "Couldn't the terrorists have chosen a more meaningful film?"

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For the first time, a foreign power has dictated what Americans can watch on their own home soil, and simply because Kim Jong-Un finds something offensive. (Let's temporarily shelve the conversation about good taste, bad taste, propriety, and their relation to comedy for another day.) And to think that the cyberattack was ordered by North Korea of all places. Reports last night suggest that the actual hackers, the "Guardians of Peace," are based in countries around the globe, though likely working with Bureau 121, North Korea's government-sponsored cyber warfare unit. Whatever the arrangement, North Korea and the hackers are preying on raw American fear, and succeeding.

There's the threat of a terrorist attack on movie theaters. Nevermind that these threats aren't credible, and nevermind that these threats are unfeasible. Picture not a full-scale invasion like the remake of Red Dawn, but rather 9/11, and the Boston Marathon bombing, and the theater in Aurora, Colorado where James Eagan Holmes opened fire on the audience during The Dark Knight Rises; and tied up in the last example are Newtown, and Virginia Tech, and Elliot Rodger, and Fort Hood, and Columbine, and other mass shootings.

Far more important than the gossip of the leaked Sony emails is a genuine worry that everything is monitored and nothing is safe. This feeling is bolstered by the celebrity phone hacks, the Target credit card breach, and the revelations of Edward Snowden. Thousands of Sony employees have had their social security numbers, medical information, correspondence, and other personal info released. Who's to say anyone's safe, in person or online?

(This may also reveal Sony's own ineptitude. Perhaps the company learned nothing from the 2011 PlayStation Network hack.)

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Ty Burr at The Boston Globe worried about the precedent that these events have set. He wrote, "Sony and the major exhibition chains have opened the door for any zealot or teenage hacker with mad skills to make all the threats and mayhem they want. This will not be the last such event." Already, the fear that prompted the cancellation of The Interview has claimed other victims. New Regency was adapting Guy Delisle's graphic novel Pyongyang into a film directed by Gore Verbinski and starring Steve Carrell. The film was canceled just the other day.

The Alamo Drafthouse and a number of other theaters planned to screen Team America in lieu of The Interview—a symbolic middle finger to North Korea accompanied by a hearty "Fuck yeah!" Paramount, the distributor of Team America, promptly banned the screenings from happening. Not only is a foreign power dictating what Americans can see on their home soil, the fear of reprisal by that foreign power is also dictating the kinds of films and symbolic gestures that Americans think they can make.

We should have the option to laugh about a tense and absurd situation like this because laughter is a form of release, and maybe a helpful one—like George Saunders wrote, humor is often "what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to"—but we've been rendered humorless from abroad. This sort of reminds me of that "Imaginationland" three-parter on South Park where terrorists attack our imagination. Certainly people's imaginations are being turned against them to fear the worst, and in a sense the Guardians of Peace have also exploited America's failures of imagination with regard to cyberterrorism. The end result, at least immediately, is panic about our vulnerability and an uncertainty about our ability to act and how to act.

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There's another South Park multi-parter to consider: "200" and "201." Parker and Stone caught flack for daring to depict Muhammad on screen. A small radical group called Revolution Muslim threatened Parker and Stone prior to the airing of "201." Revolution Muslim stated that the South Park creators might face violent retribution for their work, possibly murder like Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh. (Van Gogh was killed by a Muslim extremist because of Submission, a short film about violence against women in the Islamic world. Van Gogh's last completed film was 06/05, a fictional retelling of the assassination of Pim Fortuyn, a Dutch politician.)

Panic was high at the time, security was beefed up around Comedy Central offices, but they wound up airing "201," albeit heavily censored when broadcast. You can find the full script of "201" online as well an uncensored version of the episode. The moral the boys learn goes like this:

Kyle: You see, I learned something today. Throughout this whole ordeal, we've all wanted to show things that we weren't allowed to show. But it wasn't because of some magic goo. It was because of the magical power of threatening people with violence. That's obviously the only true power. If there's anything we've all learned, it's that terrorizing people works.

Jesus: That's right. Don't you see, gingers? If you don't want to be made fun of anymore, all you need are guns and bombs to get people to stop.

Santa: That's right, friends. All you need to do is instill fear and be willing to hurt people and you can get whatever you want. The only true power is violence.

It's funny because it's true.


Romanticism vs Enlightenment in 2001: A Space Odyssey and Interstellar

2014 has been a great year for sci-fi. Guardians Of The Galaxy proved one of Marvel's biggest hits to date despite starring little known characters and lacking a big star name among the cast; Luc Besson's affably bonkers Lucy and Jonathan Glazer's chillingly impenetrable Under The Skin saw Scarlett Johansson build up a fine run of form in the genre after voicing a sentient, amorous operating system in 2013's Her; X-Men: Days Of Future Past made time travel an integral part of the X-movie universe; Tom Cruise suffered his own Groundhog Day in the middle of an alien war in Edge Of Tomorrow, and the Ethan Hawke-starring Predestination received plaudits for its integration of gender politics into an otherwise fairly rote time travel narrative.

Perhaps the biggest and most interesting event of the 2014 sci-fi revival was Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, standing out not only for being a rare original blockbuster in a galaxy of comic book franchises, but also its unashamed exploration of 'hard' sci-fi concepts such as time dilation, relativity and interstellar travel. If anything, the movie is at its least interesting when making concessions to the mainstream audience's supposed expectation of action: Matt Damon's cameo feels out of place and entirely unnecessary, seemingly existing only to interject big set-pieces into a movie which had previously succeeded admirably without them. Just as The Matrix and Nolan's earlier Inception disproved the notion that audiences are turned off by big ideas in their popcorn entertainment, Interstellar's success (currently sitting at a $622m return on its $165m production budget) is a triumph for all of us crossing our fingers that the recent sci-fi revival will be allowed to explore the genre's more intellectual side alongside such pulpy delights as Guardians and Star Wars.

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One of Christopher Nolan's biggest inspirations for Interstellar, Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, also saw a limited re-release in the UK last month. While Nolan's debt to the 1968 classic is clear, watching them both in such close proximity reveals fascinating differences between the philosophies underpinning each movie. Interstellar is unabashedly intellectual, with a big deal having been made in the build-up to the film's release of its scientific accuracy (theoretical physicist Kip Thorne consulted on the writing) and of two academic papers being written on the back of its simulated models of black holes. Within the movie itself, many of the characters' biggest challenges revolve around established scientific principles, such as how long to spend visiting a planet subject to extreme time dilation (that is, where time moves much more slowly on the surface of the planet than in its orbit) and whether it is possible to communicate through a black hole's event horizon (the point at which nothing, not even light, should theoretically be able to escape its gravitational pull).

Interstellar's universe is firmly in thrall to the idea that with the right set of calculations, there is no phenomenon too great for humanity to catalogue and control. As with its occasional lapses into thriller storytelling, the times when the movie recants on its firm belief in scientific absolutism are the moments when it feels at its least sincere. Anne Hathaway's speech about love being the only force able to transcend time and gravity, foreshadowing the movie's aggressively saccharine ending, never feels like anything other than an attempt at emotional manipulation of the most brazen and cringeworthy variety, a misjudged bid to correct the perception that Christopher Nolan's films are all head and no heart in an otherwise defiantly intellectual movie.

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2001: A Space Odyssey also has a reputation for being cold, complex and distant, though where Interstellar occasionally wobbles in its devotion to science over sentiment, Kubrick's movie is far more subtle and powerful in conveying the emotional weight of its story. If Interstellar at its best is a movie firmly rooted in an Enlightenment way of thinking, worshipping reason and observation as humanity's greatest tool for conquering the universe, 2001 sets out its stall firmly in the opposite camp. The universe Kubrick portrays is vast, fearsome and beyond comprehension; the only truth revealed by the human capacity for perception and analysis is how resoundingly limited those two things are when faced with the mesmerising grandeur of space and time. Knowledge is not imparted by reason, but by the random interjection of unknowable outside forces, represented in the movie in the shape of a flawless black monolith. 2001 is the rare sci-fi movie with its philosophy rooted firmly on the side of the Romantics.

It is untrue to suggest 2001 is an unemotional film for its lack of interest in love and human connection. In fact, the experience of watching Kubrick's movie is a deeply emotional one. Few released before or since have been so overwhelmingly powerful at conveying awe at the horror and the beauty of the infinite unknown. It is a film deeply in love with humanity, or more specifically its curiosity and persistence in the face of things it will most likely never be capable of rationalising or reaching. It celebrates humanity's never-ending desire to grow and progress, so jaw-droppingly represented by that phenomenal cut from a bone flying through the air to a spacestation sweeping through space, as well as the idea that in an infinite universe, the capacity for growth must also be infinite, never achieving an end goal but never stopping either.

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The later novels in Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey series lost much of their power as they explored in greater depth the nature and origin of the black monoliths and the forces that created them. Kubrick's determination that his 2001 be bereft of such explanations - even if Clarke, in fairness, nevertheless retained a fair amount of mystery in his works - is, I think, one of the key factors behind why it remains such an enduring classic. The stunning visuals and classical soundtrack certainly help, but that dedication to the importance of asking questions ahead of getting answers is one compelling on a near-subconscious level, challenging its viewers to face the awareness of how tiny and insignificant our lives and our world really are, but also find comfort in what a beautiful and somehow encouraging thing that can be. Unlike Interstellar's cast of intellectual titans, never wrong in their reasoning or perception, 2001 posits that it is that smallness and those flaws denied Nolan's characters which define us and push us forward. It is telling that the malfunctioning artificial intelligence HAL attributes a miscalculation to human error, even if it misunderstands that the error was in fact in the idea that humanity could ever build a flawless machine when it is itself a race of imperfect beings.

2001's Romantic philosophy is surely a product of the era in which the film was made. Its release came a little over a year before Neil Armstrong became the first man on the moon in 1969, while the post-Summer Of Love, late '60s infatuation with hallucinogenic drugs and the collapse of social inhibitions marked a period in modern history when people were experimenting with expanding their minds and vision beyond anything which had ever been tried before, a process both scary and wonderous at the same time. Interstellar, on the other hand, arrives at a time when humanity has seen the often terrible consequences of its decisions, actions and inactions come home to roost, when the ability to control and make sense of our place and purpose feels increasingly distant and increasingly important to achieving a stable, prosperous future. Interstellar tries to be reassuring, telling us that total control of our circumstances is only a matter of looking at things in the right way, but in doing so reduces the size of its universe to within the reach of the human mind and perpetuates a misapprehension which may have been a key factor in us reaching this point in the first place. Dated though some of its aesthetics may be - check out that Pan Am space shuttle! - 2001 instead offers the opposite treatise, that it is human perception which is inherently limited and the universe which is grand and limitless. For all Interstellar's posturing on the power of love and the comforts of total knowledge being within reach if only we could think a little bigger, 2001 eschews easy sentiments and answers, but in doing so feels profoundly more honest and human.


Katy Perry

Bridjet’s Top 10 Live Performances of 2014

2014 was one big road trip. I traveled to two states for two different festivals along with 20 other shows around Ohio. It almost doesn't seem fair to rank all of the artists I've seen this year because they were all so great. Except Kanye West, who apparently, every artist hates. Go figure. Chromeo 10. Chromeo I’ve seen Chromeo a couple of times and they always have the best stage presence. The funk lords of synth-pop get everyone in the crowd dancing as soon as they touch their instruments. The two are smooth talking, disco freaks who deliver nothing but the best beats. [youtube id="37N6qErqL8g"] 9. Mastodon I saw the princes of metal in all their headbanging glory at Bonnaroo in June. Truth be told, I only went to see a certain number of bands and they all made the list. Besides the weather, Mastodon melted my brain with their sweet jams. Glorious. [youtube id="qylPzi9C9gg"] 8. Ice Cube telling Kanye West to fuck himself Kanye West said he would perform at Bonnaroo under one condition: No one else could be performing during his set. When more than 50,000 people have only ONE place to go to, it gets crowded. After about 15 minutes, Kanye realized the laws of sound DO apply to him when no one could hear him play without other artists to bounce the sound off. With that said, Ice Cube was pissed he had to wait to play and told Kanye he was a little bitch. Also, he sang some NWA, so yeah, fuck Kanye.  Childish Gambino Austin City Limits 2014 by Virgil Solis Photo by Virgil Solis 7. Childish Gambino He’s on the now defunct show Community, he has his own stand-up special, and he’s a rap superstar. There really isn’t anything Donald Glover can’t do. It was raining during his set at Lollapalooza, but he delivered more so than most artists do at the fest. [youtube id="I7rYZjv3wNg"] 6. Say Anything performing ...Is A Real Boy all the way through Flashback to 2004 when ...Is A Real Boy was released: I was in 8th grade swooning at the boy in the seat in front of me in English class. How could I get him to like me? He had on a light blue shirt with an orange dinosaur on it breathing fire into a cartoon city. Right above it read “Say Anything” in bubble letters. The next day, I practically begged my mom to buy me the CD at Target. Success! I brought it to school, feeling so cool that “Mr. English Class” was going to like me. To no surprise but my own, he thought I was a weirdo after I told him why I bought it, he never (willingly) talked to me again. Heartbroken, or whatever the equivalent 8th grade version is, I spent the next six months listening to this CD every single day. Bittersweet, but I finally got to live out my 8th grade revenge by meeting Max Bemis in 2013 and then seeing Say Anything play this album all the way through to perfection. [youtube id="uMK0prafzw0"] 5. Die Antwoord They’re just the weirdest duo of all time and I love every second of it.

A video posted by BJ (@bjmendy) on Dec 12, 2014 at 7:17pm PST

4. Every Time I Die (x3) So far, I’ve seen the southern metal animals of Every Time I Die three times and I’m going to see them again in about a week. I can’t get enough of not only their amazing new record, From Parts Unknown, but their phenomenal shows. Above is a clip I took from their show in Cincinnati, Ohio. The song is called “Underwater Bimbos From Outer Space.” Eminem 3. Eminem I saw Eminem open up his set with Criminal, Square Dance, and White America. After that, he sang "Kill You" and "Business." While most sites or magazines will say how the highlight of the show was when he sang "Stan" with Rihanna, I beg to differ. I say it was when he decided to open the show up with his old material. Eminem has lost his luster through the years, but being able to see him play my favorite tunes from way back when was amazing. [youtube id="pN0ytyxxkh8"] 2. Outkast The rap duo have been out of commission for a long time, so when I saw they were headlining Lollapalooza this year, I had to go. They had more energy than I had expected from two guys who have been in the game for more than 20 years. Katy Perry by Bridjet Mendyuk 1. Katy Perry I’m obsessed with this bubblegum princess and I’m not ashamed to admit that I bought two VIP tickets to see her in August. Or that I had a huge sign saying it was my birthday on it so she could sing to me. Or that I dressed up. Or that I cried. This is my blue head attempting to take a selfie right by Katy’s inflatable, pink car. She sang and danced non-stop for almost three hours. The best performance I’ve seen live this year; hands down.

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HEAVY METAL

And on the 8th Day, God Created Heavy Metal

I went to a relatively small school in northeast Ohio called Bowling Green State University. You’ve probably never heard of it, but one thing is for sure, you know what heavy metal is. Typically, mixing heavy metal and high education is like oil and water. Except, almost two years ago, they came together and fused together to be the most badass thing the University had ever seen; POPC 5000: The History of Metal.

The three hour long class was a graduate course with a syllabus describing a 10-page paper due every week; a force to be reckoned with. I’ve always been a bookworm, but I didn’t think this class would be anything too exciting. I just wanted to get it over with and graduate. As a current up-and-coming metalhead, I didn’t really care for metal when I took the class. I listened to mostly punk, some hardcore, and enough alternative/indie to turn into Justin Vernon on command. If anything, I wanted to learn about bands, what they did, and watch some music videos. In short, we covered everything from Led Zeppelin (they basically created heavy metal; don’t argue with me) to the subgenres of metal today like thrash, djent, doom, sludge, death, grind, math, power; the list goes on. We even touched on every topic ranging from types of clothing, attitudes, outlooks, feminism, dogma, technology, progression, culture, etc. Each week we had a different book to read about the metal world, including a book that my professor wrote called Metal Rules The Globe. It turns out, by the end of the semester, this heavy metal class would prove to be the most interesting and intricate course I had taken in my college career.

 

http://instagram.com/p/XYNNXzRaG4/

 

Upon arriving my first day, my teacher, Jeremy Wallach, looked like your typical Ph.D type; long hair, big glasses, low voice. Very Bueller-ish. Except for the fact that he got his Ph.D IN METAL STUDIES (YEAH, METAL STUDIES). The dude has banged his head in more than 15 countries with the best of them. In the beginning, he seemed like such an elitist metal snob, scoffing under his breath at students when we went around the room and said our favorite metal bands (can’t really blame him, one guy said his favorite band was Dragonforce). What a snoot, I thought. Au contraire, he was just a metalhead who, once again I can’t stress this enough, had his degree in a field devoted to knowing everything about metal music. When he came around to asking my favorite metal band, I looked up for a split second and then down at my desk. I lied and said Metallica. He looked at me like he knew I was bluffing, but just kept on moving. I was sweating bullets. In that moment, I was indeed………...a poser. Me. A poser. Why did I say Metallica? My favorite band at the time was the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah, post Stadium Arcadium. Determined to redeem my basicness and succeed in writing about good music, I began paying close attention to Wallach the second I walked through that door every week.

Every class he opened up the day with discussions and videos. Whether it was a clip from Headbanger’s Ball or a music video from Arch Enemy, we all nodded as the riffs played. Here is a video of Mr. Wallach talking about what he covered during his time in Puerto Rico at the Heavy Metal and the Communal Experience Conference. One of the many he attended that year.

[youtube id="CR-IPCY3Dr8"]

I took the class with two of my friends who were huge metalheads and we became the nerdiest students in the class. Unlike them, I didn’t really know that much about metal. After the first week, I found myself wanting to know EVERYTHING. I started to study more. I was raising my hand so often that I had to remind myself to let other people talk. Like a valley girl who loves Starbucks, I found myself talking about this class all the time. Did you know Rob Halford is gay? Did you know that there are metal gangs in Africa? Jada Pinkett Smith is in a metal band. Did you know----I was becoming that person, but I didn’t care. I would go home and research for hours, typing in questions like: why Black Sabbath decided to put their instruments in drop D? Why did metalheads bang their head in the first place? Where did the devil horns come into play? Why do Norwegians prefer black metal? There’s a heavy metal cruise? What the hell? Where have I been? Why did I not know any of this before? Why did I write off metal music when I was younger?

Since the class was centered around the culture of metal, we were able to write about whatever we wanted, within reason, as extra credit. One Friday, I went to a Between the Buried and Me show and wrote a paper on how inviting all of the fans were. Unlike the douche-y bros with bucket hats and bad attitudes I’d try to talk to at other shows, these people were genuinely down to earth. They weren’t going to judge you if you liked a metal band that was deemed “lame” by people, they didn’t care. They thought you were cool because you were at the same show as them. This community had everything I felt I was lacking in a different scene. This was the party I wanted to go to.

 

A photo posted by BJ (@bjmendy) on Apr 4, 2013 at 3:06pm PDT

 

You know when you’re a little kid and your parents send you to Sunday School to learn about God, and whether or not you believe it now, you were blown away about some of the things you learned? Like how some people live their entire lives for God or how Jesus turned water into wine? That’s what this class did for me. Metalheads eat, sleep, and breathe music. Call it extreme, but I was falling in love with metal. As a future music critic, this class was like turning the page in my book of uncharted territory I’ve never written about. It was like learning about Earth, except you got to take out everyone who didn’t have something to do with heavy metal and you studied a world made for headbanging and beer, not lame stuff like procreating or evolving. Just like KISS said, “And on the 8th day, God created rock n’ roll.”

Little did I know, the class was only being offered once every few years for just one semester because of this thing called “The Heavy Metal and Pop Culture Conference.”

 

http://instagram.com/p/X0KwfLxaBp/

 

What the hell is a Heavy Metal Conference, you ask? It was a four-day event that consisted of screenings, dissertations, discussions, performances, book readings, etc., from the smartest metalheads around. Even Alice Cooper (ALICE freaking COOPER) attended (in spirit, he talked to everyone via Skype). Headbangers from places all over the world like Finland, England, Scotland, all types of ‘Lands, attended and covered every topic imaginable with such scholarly chutzpah. Well-educated pit champions from the glory days of heavy metal came to my BFN school to teach us about heavy metal subjects. Most of the keynote speakers were the authors of the books we had read in class, which made the conference that much more interesting.

I found a video from part of the conference. You can watch it below.

[youtube id="xXi7YasLY-s"]

My favorite part of the conference was listening to a speaker named David Roby, a teacher at Texas A&M who did a presentation called “Metalocalypse as Meta-Discourse.” I was LEARNING things about metal and life through the findings Mr. Roby had discovered through one of my favorite shows, Metalocalypse. The session (subjects touched for that day and time) the presentation was in was called “Session 11: Comics, Sci-Fi and Superheroes: Metal Meets Fiction.” I was at 100% geek mode. These teachers had years of research under their belts. I even got to eat pizza with Laina Dawes (a black frontwoman in the heavy metal scene who I connected with after reading her book). For once, I was glad I paid attention and actually read the books instead of skimming them five minutes before class.

Another old professor of mine named Matt Donahue (featured in the conference video above) is one of the biggest Motorhead fans of all time. Seriously. He presented a segment during the conference called, “Motorhead Matters.” Along with Wallach, he also has a deep-rooted love with metal. He taught a couple of History of Music classes, but more importantly, he floods the metal community with his Motorhead obsession. Here is a clip of him talking about Motorhead below.

[youtube id="ER5Z6brz4XQ"]

By the fourth day of the conference, I was ready to retire to my bed and write my last paper. A 20 pager. Sitting at my desk, I started to think about the class and what it taught me. For once, I felt better about being a writer because of a class that didn’t even teach me about journalism. Just like a pathologist is fascinated by diseases, I’m a writer obsessed with learning about music, especially about ones that have such a optimistic dogma like metal. In some ways, this course helped me find my way as a journalist. My teacher told me that in the metal community, there aren’t any “cool kids,” and I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from the course. No one has to be “cool” to like metal because metal isn’t cool and it never will be. Yet, it’s still the biggest genre in music today and I think that says a lot about how uncool we all really are. I guess I never really thought about how deep subcultures go or how much you can learn about something without even liking it. Today, I can easily say my favorite bands are Every Time I Die, Pantera, and Mastodon. I know more than two albums by Metallica (unlike my former poser self) and I could tell you exactly how the feminist punk movement got started. I know the difference between doom metal, sludge metal, and groove metal. I know why metal makes you smarter and I can head bang like nobody’s business.

Even though I don’t know everything about the metal world (because it turns out, you’ll never know everything), I still love being able to learn about the type of music I enjoy and unlike math class, I would take this course over and over again. Phil Anselmo, the lead singer of Pantera, once said that writers are just wannabe musicians whether they like to admit or not. I agree with him, and if I could be a musician, I would totally be in a metal band.

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