WWE SummerSlam 2015: Results and Match Reviews
WWE SummerSlam 2015 promised to be the biggest and best SummerSlam of all time. Almost four hours of action and 10 matches with two main events, including the long-anticipated rematch between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. The show had Jon Stewart as host, a match with Arrow's Stephen Amell, and a guest appearance by Mic Foley.
But let's face it, SummerSlam 2015 was a stinker.
If Monday Night Raw is three hours that should be cut to two, SummerSlam 2015 is four hours that should be cut to about two and change. Too many inconsequential matches, screwy finishes, and just bad writing and booking. NXT: TakeOver, which took place the night before SummerSlam 2015, was just over two hours, and a reminder of why quality is more important than quantity. Hell, indie promotion Ring of Honor's Field of Honor show in Coney Island over the weekend was far better than SummerSlam 2015 too.
I feel bad for anyone who paid for SummerSlam on actual pay-per-view.
Let's go through the weekend of wrestling in Brooklyn and then consider the results, the highs, and the lows of SummerSlam 2015.
WWE Money in the Bank 2015: Results and Match Reviews
The passing of Dusty Rhodes last week lent a tinge of sadness to WWE Money in the Bank 2015. In the pre-show, Renee Young was so moved by a tribute to Rhodes that she sobbed her way through the script. At the start of the event, the WWE roster assembled beneath the TitanTron as they tolled the bell 10 times for everyone's favorite common man.
The sincere emotion was one of the most memorable things about Money in the Bank 2015. It was a generally all right pay-per-view with one very good match and one potential Match of the Year. The solid in-ring work in two other bouts was marred by bad finishes. In fact, there was a stretch of three screwy finishes in a row, which no doubt disappointed the Columbus, Ohio crowd. (They were probably extra-sore when they heard about the NBA Finals during the main event.)
If anything, Money in the Bank 2015 was a better show than Elimination Chamber 2015 and Payback 2015, but still a kind of also-ran in the monthly pay per view slog. At least it wasn't a glorified episode of Raw.
Let's go through the Money in the Bank 2015 results before a computer takes your place, daddy.
WWE Elimination Chamber 2015: Results and Match Reviews
Rather than selling it as a traditional pay-per-view, Elimination Chamber 2015 played out as a WWE Network exclusive. This was likely an attempt to get people to sign up for the WWE Network at the end of May (which was free for new subscribers) in hopes that they would not have a chance to cancel before midnight. That's $10 from the online marks, plus the in-attendance gate from the people of Corpus Christi, Texas.
While Payback 2015 felt like a glorified episode of Monday Night Raw, Elimination Chamber 2015 surprisingly delivered for what it was (i.e., a $10 show with two great matches and one pretty enjoyable one). Leave it to a giant cage with pods to make an otherwise okay event feel semi-special for a tenner, at least at a superficial level.
If your junior prom lacks a theme, might I suggest it be held in an Elimination Chamber?
Also, the Spanish Announce Table was not harmed at all last night. That means for one night, the Spanish Announce Table was Kimmy flippin' Schmidt. (It's a miracle!)
Let's go through the card.
WWE Payback 2015: Results and Match Reviews
A day later than intended, but we're doing it—we're looking at WWE Payback 2015, AKA a decent but forgettable episode of Monday Night Raw or Smackdown. This didn't even feel like a $9.99 network commitment. Payback 2015 should have come with your basic cable package, and woe to anyone who shelled out the coin to buy this on actual pay per view.
Yes, Payback is the latest in a string of inconsequential pay per views on the road to SummerSlam, which may explain why the entire event was lackluster overall. The thin roster, repeated matches, and lack of decent storylines means that everyone was wrestling tonight for everyone's favorite reason: because wrestling.
The two bright spots in all this: The New Day and the Spanish announce table es muy fuerte!
Let's go through this flimsy card and hope for something better when Elimination Chamber closes out May and Money in the Bank starts to make the next few months interesting.
But for now, Payback 2015.
[Tribeca] Bodyslam: Revenge of the Banana! Shows Why Some Wrestling Gimmicks Succeed and Others Fail
In the documentary Bodyslam: Revenge of the Banana, directors Ryan Harvie and John Paul Horstmann follow the bizarre story of Seattle Semi-Pro (SSP), an independent wrestling promotion whose existence is put in danger by an outsider who becomes part of their roster.
SSP is different from other indie wrestling promotions. There's no ring, for one, just a stage and some mats. Gone is the illusion of athletic competition. SSP is also a comedy wrestling promotion, but it's not a witty meta-wrestling cartoon like Chikara Pro. In Chikara, wrestlers will lob invisible hand grenades at one another, or sometimes wrestlers (and the crowd and the commentary team) will spontaneously perform in slow motion. At SSP, one of the headliners is a drunken clown named Ronald McFondle, and another is a guy in a banana costume who dances to The Buckwheat Boyz's "Peanut Butter Jelly Time," recreating a 13-year-old internet meme.
Even though SSP is not my taste in terms of wrestling, it's an irreverent family and there's nothing wrong people coming together and building that sort of kinship.
A lot of drama in Bodyslam: Revenge of the Banana hinges on the clash of personalities both inside and outside the ring (or, in this case, on and off the stage at a dive bar). What the film illustrates in an oblique way is why some wrestling characters succeed and fail, and what makes a good hero (babyface) and a good villain (heel).
Austin 3:16 - The Top 10 Stone Cold Steve Austin Moments
"Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!"
From 1989 came one of the greatest wrestlers in history: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. The beer chugging, all-American badass of sports entertainment took on everyone from Santa Claus to Donald Trump. In honor of Austin 3:16, we've compiled a list of some of the best Stone Cold moments in the WWE.
10. When Stone Cold gave Santa Claus the stunner
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A Stone Cold Stunner is truly the only gift that keeps on giving.
9. When Stone Cold stunned everyone during Sunday Night Heat
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YOU GET A STUNNER AND YOU GET A STUNNER AND YOU GET A STUNNER! EVERYONE GETS A STUNNER! During Sunday Night Heat on June 6, 1999, Stone Cold opened up a can of whoop ass on everyone including D-Lo Brown, Mark Henry, Jeff Jarrett, Meat and Val Venis.
8. When Stone Cold gave Donald Trump a stunner
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Most likely one of Mr. Trump's most memorable moments in history is when Stone Cold gave him a stunner during Wrestlemania 23 after chugging some beers.
7. When Stone Cold got arrested for stunning the WWE CEO, Vince McMahon
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The stunner that started it all. During the very first Monday Night Raw on September 22, 1999, Stone Cold stunned WWE CEO, Vince McMahon. Being escorted out of the ring by police, Stone Cold and McMahon have been feuding ever since.
6. When Stone Cold drove a zamboni to the ring
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On September 28, 1998, Stone Cold ruined Mr. McMahon's WWE Championship belt speech to Kane and The Undertaker by driving a zamboni into the ring. Oh, and then is detained by seven police officers because "you don't order Steven Austin to do a damn thing!"
5. When Stone Cold stunned Booker T
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During Wrestlemania 27, Stone Cold and Booker T were having a friendly beer when Stone Cold threw a stunner out of nowhere, making Booker T spit out his beer.
4. Every time The Rock got stunned
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Without contest, The Rock snags the spot for the most convincing sell of post-stunner syndrome of all time.
3. When Stone Cold stunned the entire McMahon family
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On RAW's October 3, 2005 special, Stone Cold brought a family closer together by stunning each member of the McMahon clan.
2. When Stone Cold chaired everyone in the face during Smackdown
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Stone Cold just faced everyone with a chair during Smackdown in the early 2000s and then left, like a badass. Definitely one of the best "ARRIVE. RAISE HELL. LEAVE." moments.
1. When Stone Cold drove a truck full of booze into the stadium, attached a firehose to the back and sprayed The Rock
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There isn't a wrestler out there who has the entertainment value that Stone Cold had during the Attitude Era. The Texas Rattlesnake attached a FIREHOSE to a COORS TRUCK and gave The Corporation a beer bath.
And that's the bottom line....'cause Stone Cold said so!